


Papier Gesneden (Papercut)

by centroid



Category: Phan, Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Songfic, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 22:05:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4722095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centroid/pseuds/centroid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He could feel Dan tense next to him.<br/>He could lose his job.<br/>"How can I move past it when the pain never leaves?"<br/>It felt like a giant gash was between their two hearts, separating them from being fully together.<br/>Dan smiled to himself, realizing that is wasn’t a gash, but just a papercut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Papier Gesneden (Papercut)

**Author's Note:**

> listen to Zedd and Troye's Papercut while reading!! it helps the moooooooood

“Dan, have you been thinking of coming out at all? Since our last conversation?” Phil merely suggested one night on the couch.

He could feel Dan tense next to him.

“Phil you know what happened the last time I came out to someone. Plus I don’t want you to get hated on for something you can’t control.” Dan mumbled, cringing at the memory. The last time he had told anyone he was gay, his so called friends took him outside the bar to beat him up. He was tipsy, uncoordinated as usual, but he couldnt defend himself. _All because he liked guys_. That was slightly over 3 years ago. He was not ready to be faced with that kind of rejection again, even more so by all his subscribers.

Say they unsubscribed, _he could lose his job_.

And of course neither Dan nor Phil would agree to the other, as they were both too proud.

“Dan, you have to move past that! We’re in a relationship! This isn’t just some dress up game for kids! You can’t just put up an act about who you are! You have to get over it so we can act like ourselves everywhere we go.” Phil reasoned with more force.

“I ended up _in the hospital_ , Phil. You know how much that affected me! I don’t want to get hazed, I don’t want to get beat up, nor do I want to get killed.” Dan said, feigning calm with a raw clench in his jaw. He then softened as he said, “I could never watch you get hurt like that.” Dan confessed.

“I watched _you_ get hurt! I found you on the street and I still want to come out, Dan! I answered the phone to you saying a meer ‘ _help_ ’ before passing out! In the middle of London! And I was the one that found you. You think that wasn’t hard for me?” Phil yelled.

“I know it was hard for you Phil, but I have this fear that I can never get rid of! How can I move past it when the pain never leaves?” Dan started speaking louder. Not to spite Phil, but to drown out the doubts of his own mind.

Phil, on the other hand, didn’t notice, and took it as an opposition, _a fight_.

“You say you need help Dan! You ask me and talk to me about it instead of ignoring the problem so it becomes this big thing we can’t manage! Thats what you _do_!” Phil shot back, getting louder and louder each turn. “Thats what you should have done.” He murmurs, filling the silence of the room with something other than the sounds of their own lungs and hearts.

“Well sorry that I’m not a perfect boyfriend, Phil! I’m sorry that I can’t get over a fear because I almost died. I’m sorry that I’m not perfect like you, or experienced as you. I’m sorry that I can’t feel vulnerable like that again! I let people in and they _beat_ me, Phil! **I** trusted them and they showed me why **I** shouldn’t have! I don’t _trust_ the world enough to let everyone know!” Dan was screaming by the end, wanting Phil to just understand why he couldn’t do it. Just thinking about actually doing it made his eyes water.

Neither of them knew where they would stand with each other now, so Dan turned on his heel and escaped to his room.

It felt like a giant gash was between their two hearts, separating them from being fully together.

Dan found refuge in the solstice of his room, his ragged breathing not meaning anything to his racing mind.

He staring at the ceiling, his mind reeling with the events of the last hour or so. The intensity of the fight was reeling back to him in waves of exhaustion.

The silence after Dan’s last remark was sickening, choking them like a locked jaw with speech to be said.

The cold of the flat was dripping into each of their bones, making them shiver with disbelief.

The image of Phil staring at him with such anger and seriousness made him shiver, picturing it being rather errotic to Dan. The whole fight had started by an issue that had been brought up many times, but never resolved- always leading to fights like this. Dan had wondered how they always stayed together through it all. He felt like the stress should have become too much by now. But he crushed the thought.

It wasn’t long before Phil was storming into Dan’s room, eyes filled with a fire Dan could only describe as love, and lust. Striding up to his partner, Phil bent down to kiss Dan with every emotion he could portray. Their lips moved in sync, melting into each other like chocolate over a fire.

Phil eventually pulled away, both of them opening their lidded eyes to meet the others.

“I _never_ meant to hurt you.” Phil whispered, “Or rush you, I was just getting impatient.”

“I feel the same, and I should have come to you about it years ago. I shouldn't have just let you think I just didn't want to be in a publicly known relationship with you.” Dan whispered back.

Phil smiled lightly, wrapping Dan up in his own arms. “Let’s go to bed Bear, we can talk about this in the morning.” Dan nodded in agreement.

The two laid down, Phil holding the younger in his arms. “I love you.” Phil claimed, and Dan shone brighter than the sun.

“I love you too.”

When the stream of light through the window was too bright, Dan woke up. He could feel that his back was to Phil’s own, so he turned over, wrapping his arms around Phil. Last night they had said some insensitive things to each other, the both of them thinking that they were ripping themselves apart.

**Dan smiled to himself, realizing that is wasn't a gash, but _just a papercut._**


End file.
